Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Farewell to Hoppy Days

Paddy's beginning to get all teary-eyed here when he thinks about the summer beer he'll be missing at Nanny's over the next seven weeks, so I thought I'd spotlight a few of the brothers cloistered up in Ann Arbor who toil to keep the brew-pub lamp lit at all hours.

Brother Cormier
Brother Cormier was born. His father once met Eartha Kitt and his mother was Eartha Kitt. He has no brothers, one of whom was named after Asteroid 1967-12B. In 1997, Brother Cormier came to Ann Arbor Abbey seeking a ride back to his place. He loves to eat animals and his hobbies include door-to-door encyclopedia collection, dogsledding to work, home fusion, dental hygiene, and the Captain Marvel/Isis Power Hour. His turnoffs include fuzz, the Whig Party, Denny Tario, objects at rest, and objects in Motion.

Brother Pathos
Brother Pathos was born in 1969 in El Paso at the State Theater during the dusty, west Texas town's first and only showing of Federico Fellini's "Satyricon." Both of his parents were killed in the resulting riot and fire, but the infant Pathos was saved from the inferno by an aspiring country songwriter and avid Marty Robbins fan. Pathos lived with this kindly but entirely doomed young songster until he was killed only months later in a shoot out at Rosa's Cantina with a wild young cowboy over a Mexican barmaid named Felina. Pathos was spirited away during the gunfight by an old Commanche shaman named Four Rears, who was himself killed in a bizarre rhubarb related incident in Burlington, Vermont less than a year later.
This was to be the pattern of young Pathos' life for the next eighteen years, as successive guardians met death by flood, tornado, coyote, falling safe, meteorite, exploding piano bench, soup, premature burial, hurricane, ennui, Hanta virus, circular saw, sunburn, spontaneous decapitation, shingles, base jumping, carbon monoxide poisoning, sniper, rusty nail, involuntary organ donation, narcolepsy, and cork. Brother Pathos joined the Order in 1999, and since arriving at Ann Arbor Abbey, not a single monk has perished, though the abbey remains on permanent death watch. Understandably, Pathos' interests are almost entirely limited to brewing, modern Italian surrealism, and snuff films.

[Eternal thanks to the boys at Weasel Breweries]

1 comment:

GuyMontag said...

These aren't jokes. Folks here in Burlington take their Rhubarb very seriously.