Tuesday, July 18, 2006

An Open Invitation

You are hosting a brunch of historical, literary, or other disreputable persons (think: Mad Hatter's Tea Party). What is your menu? Who are your guests?

Ok, so this is an essay question for the University of Chicago application this year. Considering the readership of PaddyWop, I thought it might prove interesting to hear who you all might invite to this Mad Tea Party (there won't be tea in my pots though (think: Speakeasy on the Southside).

13 comments:

sobinator said...

People:
Titus Andronicus (From the end of the novel)

Hadji Murad (the legendary Caucasus rebel)

Beethoven (deaf obviously)

Food served: None, they're all opposed to the idea of Brunch.

Titus and Hadji would get in a shouting match (that beethoven was obviously left out of) over who was more battle seasoned. They would settle their disputes through a series of elaborate drinking games during which Beethoven would join and clobber them both. Hadji would die from all the booze, but still get his 75 virgins in heaven because he died fighting the infidel(titus is a pagan). Titus would try to tell Beethoven about his battles, to no avail obviously, and becomes even more mad than when Shakespeare left off. Titus decides, wisely may I add, to drink himself to sleep while Beethoven stands in the corner playing the violin flawlessly (with a serious quantity of Jack (because thats what Classical pianists drank) in his gut). And they all lived happily ever after.

-ehh I can do better but I decided to put 1 out there to get the ball rolling.

Paddy said...

Did Beethoven bring his nephew along uninvited?

sobinator said...

Beethoven refuses to recognize the legitamacy of any invitation and will do whatever suits him. His nephew, though, was stoking the fire singing "God bless us, everyone."

sobinator said...

Le Duc? Where are you? You must have something good for this one?

sobinator said...

Don't leave me hanging here guys, theres too much wit embedded in paddywop.blogspot.com to allow this opportunity to pass.

Paddy said...

hmm - maybe this Mad Hatter Brunch would be more fun if we instead met with a bunch or unknowns, and then all went out to establish disreputable pasts.

Paddy said...

hmm - maybe this Mad Hatter Brunch would be more fun if we instead met with a bunch or unknowns, and then all went out to establish disreputable pasts.

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Mully C said...

Yits, O'Casey, Tom Barry, Jack London, The Doc and Mr.C of course (Had to leave Bobby Sands out for obvious reasons). Food, drink, opium, stories, and craic of the Irish variety.

Clément-Auguste Marot, le XXXIVéme Duc de Vernon said...

Guest List:

You'll have to forgive me if my guest list would be a bit Hungarian-heavy! Nikolai Tesla, Jancsi von Neumann, and Leo Szilard would certainly be there.

Douglas Hofstadter would occupy the place of honor on my right, and Friedrich Nietzsche would sit to my left.

I'd seat all three False Dimitris at the children's table in the corner, with only Gabriel D'Annunzio and Margeret Thatcher to keep them company (odds of him getting in her pants by the end of the evening... anyone?). Meanwhile, King Zog and his bodyguards would eat at an improvised table made entirely of chests of gold bullion.

Back at the main table, I'd place WOP in the back left corner between G.K. Chesterton and Derek Parfit, then wait for blood to be shed. I'd reserve Paddy a seat near Bismarck and Goebbels, as something tells me those three might have an interesting discussion. Of course I'd also use my necromancy to conjure up the ghost of Francois Villon to keep Moon Pie company.

Before the feminists get on my case, let me mention that yes, my ancestor Josephine Bonaparte would have a seat at the table. Joan of Arc might be useful in the waitressing department ("God is telling me that you need to hurry up with the salad forks, and I need a refill -- chop-chop!")

Oh yes, and Maya Angelou would get to wait outside. In the snow. Now she knows why the caged penguin sings (penguins are birds -- Ed.).

Food Served:

Start with tender pineapple slices simmered in coconut milk and dusted with almonds. From there, we would move onto apertiffs and the second round of appetizers (foie gras, cow's tongue, and srno burek).

Next a light salad nicoise would be brought out, accompanied by hearty bowls of jota and hong dou saa. After salad and soup, Josephine would serve the pasta puttanesca (har har, Gabriel gets it. Do you WOP?), followed by some nice veal cutlets braised in a sauce made of reduced apples, onions, and white wine.

While the guests digest, the chefs would busily prepare the next course, Dog a la Inferno (Mongolian hot pot style). The weak will double over with intestinal cramps, while Friedrich mumbles something about this making him stronger. Trappist ales from northern Belgium will be provided to all to help quench the flames.

Desert follows, an utterly over the top and orgiastic assembly of cakes in the shapes of blue flowers (symbols of German romanticism); tarts festooned with national flags, religious symbols, and accurate models of the genitals of every guest present; and truffles consisting of a hard chocolate shell surrounding a gooey chocolate core, surrounding a thimble's worth of cognac, surrounding a single drop of the blood of the innocent.

As the music (baroque, and played on a thousand piece organ -- softly) reaches a crescendo, servants will wheel in a massive tray containing bananas and lotus fronds arranged into an enormous, lifelike human head, doused in Grand Marnier, and stuck inside a wicker cage. Leslie George will then spring through the door and flambee the head with an isopropyl torch. The burning lotus fronds will set off a score of small firecrackers within the head, splattering the guests with enormous gobs of delicious molten banana.

As they wipe themselves off with silk handkerchiefs and rise, horrified, to their feet; the guests will be whisked into the next room and plied with brandy and cigars in anticipation of the after-dinner show.

- LD

sobinator said...

Bravo, Le Duc. I appreciate the effort put into your post and it was thoroughly enjoyable.

Paddy said...

One of those dessert cakes would be in the shape of Martinique of course. WOP knows why, do you?

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