Tuesday, July 18, 2006

An Open Invitation

You are hosting a brunch of historical, literary, or other disreputable persons (think: Mad Hatter's Tea Party). What is your menu? Who are your guests?

Ok, so this is an essay question for the University of Chicago application this year. Considering the readership of PaddyWop, I thought it might prove interesting to hear who you all might invite to this Mad Tea Party (there won't be tea in my pots though (think: Speakeasy on the Southside).

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Yits, O'Casey, Tom Barry, Jack London, The Doc and Mr.C of course (Had to leave Bobby Sands out for obvious reasons). Food, drink, opium, stories, and craic of the Irish variety.

Will Wilson said...

Guest List:

You'll have to forgive me if my guest list would be a bit Hungarian-heavy! Nikolai Tesla, Jancsi von Neumann, and Leo Szilard would certainly be there.

Douglas Hofstadter would occupy the place of honor on my right, and Friedrich Nietzsche would sit to my left.

I'd seat all three False Dimitris at the children's table in the corner, with only Gabriel D'Annunzio and Margeret Thatcher to keep them company (odds of him getting in her pants by the end of the evening... anyone?). Meanwhile, King Zog and his bodyguards would eat at an improvised table made entirely of chests of gold bullion.

Back at the main table, I'd place WOP in the back left corner between G.K. Chesterton and Derek Parfit, then wait for blood to be shed. I'd reserve Paddy a seat near Bismarck and Goebbels, as something tells me those three might have an interesting discussion. Of course I'd also use my necromancy to conjure up the ghost of Francois Villon to keep Moon Pie company.

Before the feminists get on my case, let me mention that yes, my ancestor Josephine Bonaparte would have a seat at the table. Joan of Arc might be useful in the waitressing department ("God is telling me that you need to hurry up with the salad forks, and I need a refill -- chop-chop!")

Oh yes, and Maya Angelou would get to wait outside. In the snow. Now she knows why the caged penguin sings (penguins are birds -- Ed.).

Food Served:

Start with tender pineapple slices simmered in coconut milk and dusted with almonds. From there, we would move onto apertiffs and the second round of appetizers (foie gras, cow's tongue, and srno burek).

Next a light salad nicoise would be brought out, accompanied by hearty bowls of jota and hong dou saa. After salad and soup, Josephine would serve the pasta puttanesca (har har, Gabriel gets it. Do you WOP?), followed by some nice veal cutlets braised in a sauce made of reduced apples, onions, and white wine.

While the guests digest, the chefs would busily prepare the next course, Dog a la Inferno (Mongolian hot pot style). The weak will double over with intestinal cramps, while Friedrich mumbles something about this making him stronger. Trappist ales from northern Belgium will be provided to all to help quench the flames.

Desert follows, an utterly over the top and orgiastic assembly of cakes in the shapes of blue flowers (symbols of German romanticism); tarts festooned with national flags, religious symbols, and accurate models of the genitals of every guest present; and truffles consisting of a hard chocolate shell surrounding a gooey chocolate core, surrounding a thimble's worth of cognac, surrounding a single drop of the blood of the innocent.

As the music (baroque, and played on a thousand piece organ -- softly) reaches a crescendo, servants will wheel in a massive tray containing bananas and lotus fronds arranged into an enormous, lifelike human head, doused in Grand Marnier, and stuck inside a wicker cage. Leslie George will then spring through the door and flambee the head with an isopropyl torch. The burning lotus fronds will set off a score of small firecrackers within the head, splattering the guests with enormous gobs of delicious molten banana.

As they wipe themselves off with silk handkerchiefs and rise, horrified, to their feet; the guests will be whisked into the next room and plied with brandy and cigars in anticipation of the after-dinner show.

- LD

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